Breathing is hard I dont want to live I dont want to die I dont want to go to the hospital I dont want this life I dont want this pain I want it to be over I want it to shut up I want to sleep No, i dont want to sleep. I want to be dead But sleep is the closest thing to death i can get myself because I dont want to die... I just want to be love and the lack there of makes me want to leave makes me wish i was never born So i sleep. I sleep most hours... I know i need to eat I know i need to brush my teeth and shower and get dressed But fuck it Whats the goddamn point? My mental illness has no treatment... I take that back... my mental illness is a personality disorder so no one wants to deal with it and i have no energy to fix it So i sleep and maybe thats what everyone wants me to do anyways. Because when i am sleeping, they know they wont find me dead they wont find me crying they wont find me as empty as can be they will just find me sleeping I sleep because i am alone, but i am alone because i sleep, and i am done talking to people about this shit because i keep feeling like they start to hate me more so I feel more unloved I want someone to care for me, and hug me and feed me icecream...but why would they? Why would they care no one cares i dont care my bed cares ... or so i pretend....