Writing Emotions on the Wall

Kind, loving, compassionate, amazing. Words others have misguidedly used referring to me.

They see what I want, what I shove to the fore. But nobody sees what’s behind closed and locked doors.

It’s things I’ve struggled with since I can remember. Dark and cruel things that glow like an undying ember.

I try to destroy them, to build only truth but unfortunately sin is always the roof.

So I tear it all down and try again to build anew, alas, of good qualities I have but a few.

They shine through like small chunks of gold but end up being fake like greek myths of old.

I’ve failed everyone in my life at one time or another. Though not any have seen the darkness kept covered.

Though this writing seems dark and needlessly cruel. Believe it or not it’s helped keep me cool. 

Self deprecation, anger, and hate are unfortunately the things I seem to most relate.

Despite the fact it seems I’m only “just kidding”, believe it or not these are my true feelings.

If you’re reading this know that I am doing better. Though I’m terrible at it, writing’s my helper. 

I’ve vented my anger through making words out of letters and calmed myself down without violent behavior.

I’m really okay, that’s truthful and honest. I just needed a moment to be alone with my thoughts and a vehicle to put them into the world.

James Dicus- (Date unknown)

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