I can honestly say that somewhere down the line, I lost it all. But the hope of carrying on never seemed to resurface. So falling further into the hole was the only way that was deemed remotely possible. Fucking with my own head and not giving a shit whether anyone else was affected by my actions was probably the worst thing I could’ve done. But i suppose blocking off my self-pain receptors was probably a smart idea. I’m bruised now, but I suspect that I would’ve been comatised if I’d have had to feel all the self inflicted pain. I’ve fucked some people up along the way. But I left them to rot as I carried on, focusing my attention on me. Because dragging other people down is a million times easier than admitting to yourself that you've really done it this time. Gone one step too far. Complete fuck up.