Grim

It was a dark and stormy night.

Rain pounded the roofs of houses on a winding rural road.The howling wind ripped through the branches of leafless elms. Death had business in the nearby, sleeping town.

The shadowy one allowed himself a moment of self-indulgent materializing. He decided on the traditional faceless robe and scythe. There was no one to see, but he felt wonderfully creepy. A pleasant laugh escaped his invisible lips.

"The grim reaper! Cool!" said a voice behind him. Oh, no. He'd been spotted. He turned. Behind him stood a pale girl with blond eyebrows and dyed-black hair. She was wearing a puffy black jacket, and was apparently out for a midnight stroll. Her eyes were wide, but not with fear, and she rushed up and grabbed the bony arm through his robe. "I knew you would come for me soon. You are the epitome of awesome doom, you know that? Can I have your autograph? Are you taking me now? Can you make it quick? I'm not afraid. Does it hurt to die?"

Oh, no. A fan.

"Go home, young one," Death gently told her. "It is not your time."

"B...But I'm sure it's my time! These people suck! I must be in your book or whatever. I'm emotionally ready, I swear. Suicide is too messy, but I've been ready for years. Please take me with you. I won't be any trouble."

Grim, if he had a face, would have grimaced. He decided to humor her. In his hand appeared a huge and hideous tome. He opened it slowly and leafed through the crumbling pages until he came to tonight's work list. Hmm.

"And you are...?" he asked.

The girl glanced at the page. "There I am. Tom. That's me."

Death sighed, exhaling a few dying moths. "Tom is a ninety-year-old man who is presently in the hospital. You are not him."

The girl frowned. "I think you must be mistaken, Tom is short for Thomasina, which was my name before I changed it to..." She looked sidelong a the book again. "Belinda. Am I in there?"

"Belinda has already been collected, more than an hour and a half ago. I think you had better go home now." He glared menacingly and the girl was suitably intimidated. 

"Well if you know so much, then why ask?" She lifted her chin, feelings obviously hurt. 

"I have escorted those leaving life for so long, I have learned a little of humanity. Even the youngest of mortals must leave behind something they love." He waited for her to think on all the things she was reluctant to give up. Instead she kept talking.

"What is it like to be dead?" She asked. "Do you just get to wander wherever you want, or what?"

Death grew uncomfortable. He wasn't technically allowed to answer that question. "You mean you don't know? I thought everyone knew. I mean, it's so obvious." She kept staring. "I can't tell you. It's not my job and I don't know how you'll take it. Just leave already!"

"I have to know. Would I be happier dead? I'm sure lots of people wonder, and you're the guy who knows. So answer me."

Grim decided that the best thing to do would be to lie. 

"Well, okay. Your life-force leaves, your body becoming just a decaying lump of meat. You have no more desire, or fear. No family, friends, or puppies ever again. No colors, soft blankets, sunsets, food, poems, makeup, candles or, once more, food ever again, not even cookies. If I'm not sent to lead you somewhere, you wander around in that lonely, gray dimension all alone, not really thinking or anything, until you lose your emotions entirely. Then you become inanimate energy."

She had a vacant look on her face. Twisting a strand of her fake-black hair around her finger, she asked, "What's inanimate?"

Death groaned. "No intelligent thought whatsoever."

"Oh." She stood with the rain dripping from her oversized jacket for a few seconds, then walked on down the street.

Grim smiled sadly. She wouldn't remember this tomorrow, but she would wake up tomorrow with a new belief about the afterlife. At least she was gone! Tom, however, would have to live another night. There was a schedule to keep.

Tags: Weird, Dark, Humor,